A Helping Hand

   Audrey Hepburn once said, "Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, but remember you have another hand; the first is to help yourself, the second is to help others. Always use both hands".  For as long as I can remember, helping others has brought me great joy in life. So when I took the Six Human Needs Test and got 100% for Contribution I was not surprised at all. The human Needs test revealed I feel incomplete and insignificant without a sense of contribution. My desire is to leave a mark on the world no matter how big or small. Focusing on someone else's needs and problems distract me from my own pain. I tend to lose sight of the fact that I should put myself first. As a result my physical, emotional and spiritual needs suffer, I suppress them until I can't do so any longer. My main focus is on the world and not myself, I work for others until the point of exhaustion. Everything the test revealed I agreed with a hundred percent. I have always believed a person can never be too nice but maybe it is possible when they forget to give back to themselves. Recently, I felt I had to quit my job, I had a mini break down at work. The pressures of junior year, AP classes, extracurricular activities, covering extra shifts for co-workers and personal relationships all became too much. I pushed myself to my breaking point without realizing it until it was too late. I have come to realize if one of the two areas in my life, academic or personal, is not going as planned the I dive into the other. When my personal life is terrible, my grades are amazing, when my academic life is not what I want it to be, my personal relationships soar to new heights. The up and down of this pattern I call life becomes my biggest flaw.

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   Reading should be a joy but for me it is a chore. Since day one I have never had a love for reading, my attention span while reading is shorter than that of a goldfish. Picture yourself going up a flight of stairs, each step is a page in a book you've read. While most people can just spirit up each step, I struggle to make it half way and never see to get to the top. In the process of trying to find a love or even just a strong like for reading I've tried to find a genre that can spark my interest. Non-fiction books like memoirs have become a new favorite of mine. I can actually read these types of books and enjoy myself. I would still choose an audio or movie version but this is a step in the right direction. So far I have completed 6 books, which include: Exactly As I Am by Shaun Robinson, Sula by Toni Morrison, A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard, The Liars Club by Mary Karr, The Dictionary of High School B.S. By Lois Beckwith, and The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. My favorite book was A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard, this is the first book I've read and couldn't put down. The story was so unbelievably raw, Dugard describes her years in captivity in great detail. Her story really made me think what I would do in her shoes but you can't ever really know until you've lived through it. For my Summer reading assignment I chose to read Sula but the whole time I was confused and found it difficult to keep up with all the characters. When school started I decided to challenge myself by re-reading Sula to hopefully understand what everybody else saw in this award winning book. I didn't understand it than and I still don't understand it now. I'm not sure what it is about this book that makes it just fly right over the top of my head. 
   Little Bee by Chris Cleave is a story of hope and misfortune. The main character, Little Bee is a refugee from Nigeria seeking safety in England. After oil companies come to her village to drill for oil, her family and neighbors are raped, tortured and murdered, the home she knew and love was destroyed. Little Bee leaves and stows away on a ship leaving very thing behind. The only thing she has is the clothes on her back and the memories of the horrors from her homeland. Even on the ship she is reminded of the life she has just left, the fear of "the men" coming to kill her lingers in her mind throughout the story. I am currently on page eighty-five, the last page of chapter three, and I have come to know the two main characters, Little Bee and Sarah an English women who becomes Little Bee's saving grace. Much like myself Little Bee is faced with hurdle after hurdle but when faced with adversity she always finds a way to over come it. Although compared to Little Bee my problems seem futile, whether it be the struggle of taking AP classes or having nightmares for 6 months in a detention center, they are both problems nonetheless. I have become to admire Little Bee for her determination, vulnerability, intelligence and resourcefulness. She tries to make a new life for herself with no money, official papers or identification and with  a little help from strangers like Sarah O'Rouke and Mr. Ayers Little Bee is on her way to a new life.