Five Years to Build and 5 Seconds to Crumble

Tears tricked down my face. 

My eyes become waterfalls. 

A seemingly endless supply of defeat stream down my cheeks.
This pain was like no other, no Band-Aid, no Tylenol,
there was not a single remedy in the world for a broken heart.  

Feeling every emotion under the sun, 

I couldn't decide if I was just mad or just sad or just anything really. 

FIVE YEARS. 

Five years worth of break ups and make ups, 

nights spent out and nights spent in. 

We spent all that time building this friendship just for it to all end over your pride and your ego and your stubbornness. 

Every memory we ever made together rushed through my mind at once.

The thought of the end took my breath away. 

As I sat there struggling for air I couldn't believe my best friend would treat me this way, 

talk to me this way, and look at me this way. 

Through my sobs I hung on to every word you fired my way. 

The words "You. Are. Ri-dic-u-lous", bruised like rage fueled blows to the gut. 

You stressed each syllable to ensure I felt every bit of pain. 

Every word was stretched out slow but steady,

 making sure I felt the sword being trusted in my back. 

After reloading your gun with your vexed bullets, 

you finally ran out of ammunition. 

As I lay there nursing my wounds, 

I hear your bullets being fired once more "You Are So Sel-fish! 

You Are Dis-re-spect-ful beyond belief", 

like a broken record it plays in my head on repeat.

As if you hadn't done enough, 

you continue to rub salt into my wounds. 

You don't look at me, but through me. 

You don't speak to me but about me. 

Being in a room with you and not next to you becomes harder than not seeing you at all. 

From non stop chatter to painful silence. 

The silence. 

Oh how it kills me slowly. 

Days turn into weeks. 

Weeks turn into months. 

Months turn into years. 

Years turn into what feels like forever. 

But forever ends with a faint "You Were Right", 

so faint I almost don't hear you. 

As I turn around at my desk, 

I turn and see my best friend turn enemy turn stranger sitting in the desk behind mine. 

Those three words instantly sparked my healing, all the bruises, 

wounds and the scars her knife left, shriveled up and melted away. 

The friendship could never be salvaged from the wreckage. 

But now I had the strength to raise from under the rumble. 

www.outlawmama.com

Baca's Oppression

Oppression 

by Jimmy Santiago Baca 

Is a question of strength, 

of unshed tears, 

of being trampled under, 

and always, always, 

remembering you are human. 

Look deep to find the grains of hope and strength, 

and sing, my brothers and sisters, 

and sing. The sun will share 

your birthdays with you behind bars, 

the new spring grass 

like fiery spears will count your years, 

as you start into the next year; 

endure my brothers, endure my sisters.

www.poemhunter.com

www.srr.com

       Jimmy Santiago Baca, a prison inmate turn award-winning poet and writer, wrote a poem called "Oppression", it tells a story of how Baca held on to the little hope he had left while in prison. In this poem he says, "Look deep to find the grains of hope and strength...", the diction in this line helps the reader visualize how little hope there was left but somehow he finds the strength to go on. Within the walls of the prison, his sense of humanity is tested, Baca reminds himself "...always, always, remembering you are a human." Baca shows how he had to dig deep within his self to find even the tiniest grain of hope and strength. He also says, "The sun will share your birthdays with you behind bars, the new spring grass like fiery spears will count your years...", this stanza shows how ordinary things to free men, like the sun and blades of grass, become just another reminder to an inmate like Baca that they are trapped in cage of oppression. As the years of his sentence pass, the changing of the seasons just remind him how much time has really passed. His choice of comparisons and diction help the reader understand his state of mind. Although, only three sentences this poem sums up the emotions felt by Baca during this time in his life.

A Helping Hand

   Audrey Hepburn once said, "Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, but remember you have another hand; the first is to help yourself, the second is to help others. Always use both hands".  For as long as I can remember, helping others has brought me great joy in life. So when I took the Six Human Needs Test and got 100% for Contribution I was not surprised at all. The human Needs test revealed I feel incomplete and insignificant without a sense of contribution. My desire is to leave a mark on the world no matter how big or small. Focusing on someone else's needs and problems distract me from my own pain. I tend to lose sight of the fact that I should put myself first. As a result my physical, emotional and spiritual needs suffer, I suppress them until I can't do so any longer. My main focus is on the world and not myself, I work for others until the point of exhaustion. Everything the test revealed I agreed with a hundred percent. I have always believed a person can never be too nice but maybe it is possible when they forget to give back to themselves. Recently, I felt I had to quit my job, I had a mini break down at work. The pressures of junior year, AP classes, extracurricular activities, covering extra shifts for co-workers and personal relationships all became too much. I pushed myself to my breaking point without realizing it until it was too late. I have come to realize if one of the two areas in my life, academic or personal, is not going as planned the I dive into the other. When my personal life is terrible, my grades are amazing, when my academic life is not what I want it to be, my personal relationships soar to new heights. The up and down of this pattern I call life becomes my biggest flaw.

www.inspiringwordsbook.com

   Reading should be a joy but for me it is a chore. Since day one I have never had a love for reading, my attention span while reading is shorter than that of a goldfish. Picture yourself going up a flight of stairs, each step is a page in a book you've read. While most people can just spirit up each step, I struggle to make it half way and never see to get to the top. In the process of trying to find a love or even just a strong like for reading I've tried to find a genre that can spark my interest. Non-fiction books like memoirs have become a new favorite of mine. I can actually read these types of books and enjoy myself. I would still choose an audio or movie version but this is a step in the right direction. So far I have completed 6 books, which include: Exactly As I Am by Shaun Robinson, Sula by Toni Morrison, A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard, The Liars Club by Mary Karr, The Dictionary of High School B.S. By Lois Beckwith, and The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. My favorite book was A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard, this is the first book I've read and couldn't put down. The story was so unbelievably raw, Dugard describes her years in captivity in great detail. Her story really made me think what I would do in her shoes but you can't ever really know until you've lived through it. For my Summer reading assignment I chose to read Sula but the whole time I was confused and found it difficult to keep up with all the characters. When school started I decided to challenge myself by re-reading Sula to hopefully understand what everybody else saw in this award winning book. I didn't understand it than and I still don't understand it now. I'm not sure what it is about this book that makes it just fly right over the top of my head. 
   Little Bee by Chris Cleave is a story of hope and misfortune. The main character, Little Bee is a refugee from Nigeria seeking safety in England. After oil companies come to her village to drill for oil, her family and neighbors are raped, tortured and murdered, the home she knew and love was destroyed. Little Bee leaves and stows away on a ship leaving very thing behind. The only thing she has is the clothes on her back and the memories of the horrors from her homeland. Even on the ship she is reminded of the life she has just left, the fear of "the men" coming to kill her lingers in her mind throughout the story. I am currently on page eighty-five, the last page of chapter three, and I have come to know the two main characters, Little Bee and Sarah an English women who becomes Little Bee's saving grace. Much like myself Little Bee is faced with hurdle after hurdle but when faced with adversity she always finds a way to over come it. Although compared to Little Bee my problems seem futile, whether it be the struggle of taking AP classes or having nightmares for 6 months in a detention center, they are both problems nonetheless. I have become to admire Little Bee for her determination, vulnerability, intelligence and resourcefulness. She tries to make a new life for herself with no money, official papers or identification and with  a little help from strangers like Sarah O'Rouke and Mr. Ayers Little Bee is on her way to a new life.

2015: A Year Full of Self-Acceptance... I Hope.

2015: A Year Full of Self-Acceptance... I Hope.

     According to Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D,"Self-acceptance is an individual's satisfaction or happiness with one's self, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's feeling about himself that he is of unique worth." My main goal for 2015 can be summed up in two words... self-acceptance. For as long as I can remember I have felt different, I could never quite put my finger on it. After years and years of feeling this way I finally figured it out but when I did I wasn't sure which was worst, not knowing and questioning everything or knowing and wishing I didn't. Four years later, and I'm still never 100% sure but what I do know is I can't keep waiting for others to accept and love me as I am when I don't fully accepted and love myself as I am. I'm ready to put myself in the driver's seat and stop waiting around for other people. Every time I feel myself straying from my new path to self-acceptance and happiness I will re-read this poem I wrote: 

Accept me for who I am, not what I am

Love me when I don't even love myself

One must love to be loved

Acceptance is the key to my happiness but I've given the key to everyone but me

I've been chained for so long, I've forgotten the sweet taste of happiness

I must break the chains of ignorance, the chains of hate, the chains of fear 

Before they forever become apart or me

As I break each chain link by link 
I will be one step closer to happiness, to freedom, to love, to peace

And one step farther from the edge, the sadness, the hatred, the fearfulness.

Perfection is NOT the goal, growth is.

     

            

 

  www.justoneinacrowd.com

Food Stamps: Americans are Sucking Us Dry

    Food Stamps: Americans are Sucking Us Dry

     Food stamps are defined as a voucher exchangeable for food, issued by the government to those below or at the poverty line. But why is it lower middle class, middle class and even upper middle class families are abusing the generosity of the federal government. The actually intent of programs like SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) is to give struggling families a chance to get back on there feet, not provide extra grocery money for families that could otherwise afford it. The government needs to wake up and realize how our tax dollars are really being spent. Too often Americans take advantage of food stamp programs funded by our tax dollars.
     Day in and day out, I work hard for my paycheck but I feel as though it is all for nothing sometimes, a percentage of my hard earned money is taken out by the government. I was fine with doing my civic duty by helping my fellow America thru taxes, until I read Alexandra Carter's article, "Food Stamps: People Abusing Taxpayer Dollars". Carter discusses how easy it is to abuse SNAP and how hard regulating recipients can be. "The Food Stamp Surfer: Californian Jason Greenslate recently caused national outrage when Fox News exposed him for using tax payer dollars to buy lobster, sushi and alcohol with his food stamp card." Greenslate is a perfectly fit and able guy, he could go out today and find a job to support himself, instead of use tax dollars. The lack of embarrassment and morals is displayed as he nonchalantly admits to not wanting a job because he can live of American tax dollars. This great country was founded on integrity, our founding fathers put their blood, sweat and tears into our future. Greenslate and millions of Americans knowingly steal money right out of the government's pocket. Unfortunately, I have had an up close and personal argument about SNAP abuse with my sister-in-law. She buys all the name brand shoes and purses her little heart desires, recently she bought a Louis Vuitton purse valued at about $2,500. Louis Vuitton or not, it doesn't make a difference to me. But what does affect me is that SNAP card at the bottom of that Louis Vuitton purse. Maybe if you didn't buy thousand dollar purse you would be able to feed your two kids just fine. A family of four can receive $450 - $650 a month! Every time she mentions grocery shopping, I feel like I am footing the bill for her family along with the other leeches sucking America dry.
     Food Stamps do keep some families' heads above water and without some help they would go hungry. I've gathered that the people abusing government assistance programs philosophy is "Why not? It's free money. That's the beauty of America!", said by my sister-in-law. I will say this over and over again until I'm blue in the face, government assistance programs are for families at or below the poverty line, not the soccer mom down the street that wants a little extra money in her pocket for a new pair of shoes. It can't just be little ole me, the government needs to grow a pair and fight back. If there were actual consequences for these actions, people would be less likely to commit the offense in the first place.
     Federal assistance programs like SNAP are the difference between a family eating that day or not. But when these same programs are continually abused time and time again, there is a problem. The government and Americans are at fault. The government needs to implement a no tolerance policy for abuse of tax funded programs. And Americans need get some integrity and stop mooching off the hard working people, and work for what they want if life.

www.thepeoplescube.com

Public vs. Private

Private vs. Public

     Private or public schools? Which one is better? Is there a better choice?  When it comes to public versus private, public is a clear winner, hands down. There is more of everything, choice in curriculum, sports programs, fine arts programs and diversity. Public school is a better route than private school because public school provides more opportunities,that private schools can't, for your child. 
     In an article written by Valerie Strauss on The Washington Post's website, Strauss shares her thoughts on public school. She believes public school students can out do private school students. A recent study done proves her theory correct, "We analyzed instruction and performance for over 300,000 elementary and middle school students in 15,108 public, charter, and private schools.  What we found surprised us.  Students in public schools actually outperform those in private schools." Better performance and little to tuition, sounds like a win-win to me. When I hear private school, I think cha-ching. It seems crazy to me, for parents to pay for their child's education prior to college, when they can get the same thing or better for free. Why rush to dish out an extra five hundred dollars every month per child from the time your child is school age, about 5 years old, until he or she graduates, about 18 years old. By their senior year you would have spent approximately $78,000, and let's not forget you have not even begun to pay for their college education, which will be an additional $240,000 if you continue on the private school route. Personally, I have attended public schools my whole life, I have been very successful in school and sports. Out of 1056 students in my graduating class, I'm in the top 8%. College-level classes have been a must since freshman year, those classes kept me challenged and continually prepare me for college. While keeping up with school work I also played soccer for my school. Being apart of a team provides you with experiences not offered anywhere else. Teammate and friend relationships leave a lasting impression and survive a lifetime.
     Don't get me wrong, there are a few perks to private school, there are smaller classroom sizes, challenging curriculum, and specific topic focus. But smaller classrooms aren't always what there are cracked up to be, just because your child is in a smaller classroom doesn't directly mean the child will be a scholar. It is up to the individual to decide their destiny no matter the obstacles. Challenging curriculum? Nothing a few AP or dual credit courses can't fix, plus possible college credit. Why spend all your time on one specific topic when you can spend time learning everything, the more you learn, the more you know.
     Choosing the "right" school is overrated and over speculated. Whether you choose public or private, your child will receive a quality education. But if the only difference is $78,000 and a few more students in the classroom, the decision seems simple. Your child's must influential years will be sent day in and day out at school, so why not provide your child with every opportunity possible. 
   

                                 

www.educationbug.com

Be Honest or Be Employed?

Be Honest or Be Employed?

     There are 3.3 million elementary and secondary school teachers in America. There are 8 million people who identity as LGBT. It is estimated that there is at least one LGBT teacher in each of the 98 thousand plus public schools in America. Being LGBT has not been proven to make you a better or worst teacher than a straight one. But why is it openly LGBT teachers are being prosecuted and pushed back in the closet by school administration. LGBT or Straight, Black or White, Male or Female, teachers should be judged for their ability to change lives and cultivate the minds of our future.
     As a junior in high school, I have come across many teachers through out the years both good and bad. One teacher in particular inspired me to become a high school teacher. She saved me from my darkest days by showing me how to overcome frivolous school drama. Now, just 5 years away from having my dream job, my dream has become obscured by some recent headlines in the media. "Gay Teacher Fired For Obtaining Same-Sex Marriage License", "Gay Teacher Canned for Pregnancy" and "Openly Gay Teacher Forced to Resign", just to name a few. When a teacher is open about their family it makes them become real people in the eyes of their students. They have a crazy cousin everyone avoids at gathering just like you, their young child gets in trouble for biting another student just like your little brother, their weekend was crazy too because of holiday shopping, these teacher 'story times' are what helps build a healthy teacher-student respect. I plan to be completely honest with my future students about my family, which I hope includes a wife and children. Before seeing the recent headlines I never thought I would have to go back in the closet just to live my dream and keep my job. 
     Many people in way higher positions than I, disagree. A North Carolinian mother of three, argued her years of Christian belief based parenting would be threatened by openly gay teachers in her sons' lives. She felt so strongly about this topic she then took it to the principal of her sons' school. As a result of her and others alike actions, a snowball of teacher resignation letters and unexplained terminations followed. Quality teachers were fired for being honest, just because a teacher is LGBT doesn't mean they are trying to teacher there students to accept the LGBT community or convince them to reconsider their sexual orientation. 
     The more than 98 thousand estimated LGBT teachers should be free to build healthy and honest teacher-student relationships without fear of being pushed back into the closet or terminated. The ability to make a positive difference in someone's life doesn't become hindered by one's sexual orientation. 

www.e-learning.com